As a guide for your diary…. I try to keep our meeting to at most 60 minutes (sometimes 90) not least because it can be emotionally quite tiring for some family members.
Before the meeting….As it is more pressing, when I visit you we will first go through any remaining service details to complete the Order of Service so the Funeral Director can book the music and photo tribute if there is one. Therefore if by the start we have confirmed music choices or changes and then preferably any poems or readings chosen that would be great! Please be aware of the service slot duration that has been chosen and that in practice it is much less than that – e.g. 60 mins is up to 35.
Please also have ready a list (summarised if a large family) of surviving close family members who we can name to be held in other’s thoughts. For larger families Please don’t forget any surviving parents, siblings and closest of friends.
What follows does not have to be read or acted upon but is for those who prefer to know the preparation process detailed in advance.
During the meeting….Unless you have already started, or it is important for you personally to do so, for the purpose of our saying as much about the person as possible, please trust me to cover the biographical facts or Eulogy.On the other hand, Tributes from family and friends are more sentimentally personal. I present the Eulogy in a detailed but reduced sentence structured method; like captions under a Polaroid photo rather than a structured restrictive script.
I can photo these notes for you at the end of our meeting but they will most certainly be more legible to me than the family! Most importantly this method enables me to have a relaxed conversation like Michael Parkinson would have done rather than a rigid Police interview.
I say my part to fill as much of the space we have between the Tributes any family or friends wish to give and the music for reflection. Depending on other content and the service length, these should comfortably total of up to two and a half sides of paper (Arial font size 12?) which should please be emailed to me preferably within a few days ahead of the service. This is helpful even when I’m not expected to present them for you so I can be ready to take over (for whatever reason) and also to calculate timings to avoid any sense of rushing to finish on time.Hopefully this has offered an insight, but if not, please don’t worry.
If you want to give a Tribute/Eulogy, below is some additional guidance from Westerleigh who operate most of our local Crematoriums:
- Speak from the heart. Authentic words matter far more than eloquent ones.
- Share stories. A favourite memory, habit, or saying can bring someone vividly to life.
- Celebrate who they were. Their values, passions, kindness, humour – these are what people remember.
- Keep it personal. Speak as though you knew them, not as a list of achievements.
- It’s okay to feel emotional. Pausing, showing feeling, or even shedding tears is completely natural.
- There is no ‘right’ way to give a Tribute – only your way; and that is always enough.